Episode 10
The Happiness Trap: How Chasing Joy Can Lead to Unhappiness
Feeling pressure to be happy, especially in nations that are perceived as happy, can paradoxically lead to lower well-being. This podcast dives into a research paper that explores how societal expectations around happiness can create a sense of inadequacy for individuals, particularly in cultures that celebrate cheerfulness. Hosts Parv and Speaker B unpack the concept of subjective well-being, which encompasses a broader range of emotional experiences beyond just fleeting joy. They discuss the importance of accepting a full spectrum of emotions and the need for self-compassion, mindfulness, and authentic connections in overcoming this pressure. By redefining happiness on personal terms and challenging societal norms, listeners are encouraged to embrace their true feelings and foster genuine well-being.
Takeaways:
- Perceiving societal pressure to be happy can lead to poorer well-being, especially in happier countries.
- The study emphasizes the importance of accepting a broad spectrum of emotions, not just happiness.
- Happiness inequality occurs when societal expectations drive a wedge between genuinely happy individuals and those struggling.
- Creating a supportive environment where vulnerability is seen as strength can help combat happiness pressure.
- Mindfulness practices allow us to observe our emotions without judgment and respond more thoughtfully.
- Cultivating self-compassion during difficult times can help alleviate the pressure to feel happy.
Paper Referenced:
Dejonckheere, E., Rhee, J.J., Baguma, P.K. et al. Perceiving societal pressure to be happy is linked to poor well-being, especially in happy nations. Sci Rep 12, 1514 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-04262-z
Link - https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-04262-z
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Transcript
Hi, all.
Parv:Welcome to this audio project where we decode the science of human behavior with a twist.
Parv:I'm Parv, and this podcast brings to you AI generated conversations that simplify complex hidden patterns that shape our decisions, emotions, and actions.
Parv:A while ago, I started using NotebookLM to help me translate academic research that talked about hidden internal patterns that make us us.
Parv:So let's dive in and uncover the unique algorithm that makes you you.
Speaker B:Hey, everyone, welcome back.
Speaker B:Ready for another deep dive?
Speaker C:Always.
Speaker B:Awesome.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:So today we're looking at this research paper someone sent in called Perceiving A Societal Pressure to Be Happy is Linked to Poor well being, especially in happy nations.
Speaker C:Oh, wow.
Speaker B:It's super interesting, right?
Speaker B:This whole idea that living in a place where everyone's supposed to be happy could actually be, well, kind of bad for you, huh?
Speaker C:Yeah, that's counterintuitive.
Speaker C:You'd think it'd be the opposite.
Speaker C:Right, like, happy vibes all around.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:So that's what we're going to unpack today.
Speaker B:But before we get into all the nitty gritty details of the study, let's talk about what we mean by happiness here.
Speaker C:Yeah, good point.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's not just about, you know, smiling all the time.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:This study is talking about subjective well being, which is a much broader concept.
Speaker B:Oh, okay, so what does that include then?
Speaker C:So it's like, how often do you experience positive versus negative emotions?
Speaker C:How satisfied are you with your life overall and even, like, certain aspects of your mental health?
Speaker B:Gotcha.
Speaker B:So it's not just a fleeting feeling, it's more about the whole package.
Speaker B:The big picture.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:Now, the study does say that being happy, both individually and for society as a whole is generally a good thing, right?
Speaker C:For sure.
Speaker C:Like, happy people tend to be more successful, healthier, have stronger relationships, all that good stuff.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Who doesn't want that?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker B:So, okay, makes sense then, why countries want to measure how happy their citizens are.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like with that world Happiness index we hear about sometimes.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Which, by the way, is where this study gets really interesting.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Because they found that this link between feeling pressure to be happy and actually having lower well being is stronger in those countries that score super high on that happiness index.
Speaker C:Oh, wow.
Speaker C:Really?
Speaker C:It's like the happier the country, the more pressure there is to be happy, but then that pressure kind of backfires.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:It's a real paradox.
Speaker B:You'd think being around all these happy people would make you feel good, but it might actually do the opposite.
Speaker C:So wait, are you saying that if I'm in a happy Country, I might end up feeling worse.
Speaker B:Well, it's not quite that simple, but the study definitely raises some questions about that.
Speaker C:Okay, okay, I'm hooked.
Speaker C:So how does this whole thing work then?
Speaker C:Why would being surrounded by happy people potentially make someone feel worse?
Speaker B:Well, the researchers have a couple ideas about that.
Speaker B:One thought is that in happier countries, people might just be more, like, open and expressive about their happiness.
Speaker C:Okay, Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So think about cultures where being cheerful and enthusiastic is totally normal.
Speaker B:Like, it's just how they are.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then if you're having a bad day or, you know, struggling with something, it's like you're constantly being reminded of how happy everyone else seems.
Speaker C:Oh, so it's almost like a competition.
Speaker C:Like.
Speaker C:Like everyone's trying to out happy each other?
Speaker B:Kind of.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It can make you feel like you're not measuring up.
Speaker B:The study even calls it happiness inequality, where the gap between the happy folks and those who are struggling is even bigger in these supposedly happy places.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:Happiness inequality.
Speaker C:It's kind of depressing, honestly.
Speaker B:So what do we do with this, like, for our listeners out there, how do they deal with this pressure to be happy, especially if they live in one of these, you know, happy countries?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:That's the big question.
Speaker C:And the good news is this study doesn't just point out the problem.
Speaker C:It also offers some solutions.
Speaker C:And it's not about, like, moving to a less happy country or anything like that.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker B:Goo.
Speaker C:It's more about how can we shift our perspective on happiness itself.
Speaker B:All right, I'm listening.
Speaker B:What kind of shift are we talking about?
Speaker C:Well, the study talks a lot about the need for a more balanced view of emotions.
Speaker C:Like, as individuals and as a society, we need to accept that it's okay to not be happy all the time.
Speaker B:So ditch the whole good vibes only mentality.
Speaker C:Pretty much, life's full of ups and downs.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It's impossible and probably not even healthy to try and force happiness all the time.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:That sounds exhausting.
Speaker C:Totally.
Speaker C:We got to embrace all our emotions.
Speaker C:The good, the bad, the in between.
Speaker C:And this is especially important in those cultures that put happiness on a pedestal.
Speaker B:Because in those places, admitting you're not happy is almost like a taboo.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:Like you're breaking some unspoken rule.
Speaker C:But the truth is, no one feels happy 24 7.
Speaker C:And pretending you are when you're not, that can actually make you feel worse in the long run.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's like wearing a mask eventually gets heavy, you know, for sure.
Speaker C:So how do we start challenging this pressure where do we even begin?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:How do we start?
Speaker C:Honestly, it starts with just being aware of it.
Speaker C:Noticing those moments when you feel like you should be happy even if you're not, and then gently pushing back against that feeling.
Speaker B:So, like giving ourselves permission to feel whatever we're actually feeling?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:It's okay to not be okay.
Speaker C:It's part of being human.
Speaker C:And in those moments when you're struggling, don't be afraid to reach out for support.
Speaker B:Reach out to a friend, family, therapist.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:You don't have to go through it alone.
Speaker C:And, you know, the more we all talk openly about our experiences, the less power this pressure to be happy will have over us.
Speaker B:It's like we're creating a new norm where vulnerability is actually a strength.
Speaker C:I like that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And that brings us to another point the study made.
Speaker C:Being mindful of social comparisons, especially these days with social media and all that.
Speaker B:Oh, tell me about it.
Speaker B:It's so easy to get caught up in the comparison trap and feel like you're not good enough.
Speaker C:Right, but we have to remember what we see online is often just a highlight reel.
Speaker C:It's not real life.
Speaker B:Good point.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So we got to take social media with a grain of salt and focus on our own journey, our own definition of happiness.
Speaker B:But what about when those down feelings aren't just from outside pressure, but, you know, from real internal struggles?
Speaker B:What then?
Speaker C:That's when it becomes even more important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Speaker C:Talking to a therapist can give you a safe space to process those emotions and learn healthy coping strategies.
Speaker C:It's all about investing in your mental well being.
Speaker B:Just like we invest in our physical health, right?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And the strong longer our mental well being is, the less those external pressures will affect us.
Speaker C:We develop this inner strength, this resilience that comes from knowing ourselves and knowing we're okay even when we're not feeling happy.
Speaker B:Makes sense.
Speaker B:So we've talked about the individual level, but what about the bigger picture?
Speaker B:How do we create societies that actually support real well being instead of this, like, obsession with happiness?
Speaker C:Well, the study suggests we need to start challenging those unrealistic expectations around happiness.
Speaker C:You know, the ones we see in the media, advertising, even in our own social circles.
Speaker C:It's about promoting a more balanced view of emotions, recognizing that both positive and negative experiences are valuable.
Speaker B:So instead of, you should be happy all the time, it's more like it's okay to be human.
Speaker C:Yes, exactly.
Speaker C:And part of that is creating spaces where people feel safe to express themselves authentically.
Speaker C:Without fear of judgment.
Speaker B:Creating spaces for real connection where people can share their struggles and their joys.
Speaker C:Yeah, and that actually brings up an important point about.
Speaker C:About how this pressure to be happy can impact our relationships.
Speaker B:Oh, right.
Speaker B:It's like if you feel like you can't express your true feelings, the good and the bad, how can you really connect with someone?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:You're not building trust, you're not building vulnerability.
Speaker B:So we end up sacrificing genuine connection just to maintain this facade of happiness.
Speaker C:And that lack of connection can be incredibly isolating, especially for people who are already struggling.
Speaker B:So it's like this vicious cycle.
Speaker B:We feel pressure to be happy, so we hide our true selves, which prevents us from connecting with others, which makes us feel even more isolated and unhappy.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And it's something we need to be very mindful of, both in our own lives and in our interactions with others.
Speaker B:So what can we do to break this cycle?
Speaker B:How do we create more space for authentic connection, even in a world that seems obsessed with happy faces?
Speaker C:It starts with honesty.
Speaker C:Being honest with ourselves about how we're really feeling, and then choosing the right time and the right people.
Speaker C:Sharing those feelings with others, Being willing.
Speaker B:To let our guard down a bit.
Speaker C:To be vulnerable.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And honestly, sometimes the most meaningful conversations come from those moments of vulnerability when we admit that we're not always okay, that we need support.
Speaker C:It's about shifting from I need to appear happy to I need to be real.
Speaker B:Perfectly said.
Speaker B:And that shift can make a huge difference both in our relationships and in our own overall well being.
Speaker B:This deep dive has been really eye opening.
Speaker B:We've talked about everything from what subjective well being actually means to this whole paradox of happy nations.
Speaker B:But I think the biggest takeaway for me is that true well being isn't about chasing some perfect state of happiness.
Speaker B:It's about embracing all of it.
Speaker B:The good and the bad.
Speaker C:Couldn't agree more.
Speaker C:It's about allowing ourselves to be fully human, complexities and all, and creating a.
Speaker B:World where that's not just accepted, but celebrated.
Speaker C:Well said.
Speaker C:And on that note, I think it's time to wrap up this deep dive, but I hope this conversation keeps going.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:So to all our listeners out there, what are your thoughts on all of this?
Speaker B:We'd love to hear your reflections.
Speaker B:And if you stumble upon any other research you think we should take a deep dive into, definitely send it our way.
Speaker C:Until then, keep exploring, keep asking questions, and keep being your amazing, authentic selves.
Speaker B:That's a great note to end on and remember true well, being begins with kindness to yourself, accepting all your emotions and connecting with others in a way that feels real.
Speaker B:Thanks for joining us on this deep dive.
Speaker B:Okay, so we've talked a lot about the problem, all this pressure to be happy, especially in these happy countries.
Speaker B:But knowing about it is one thing.
Speaker B:Actually doing something about it is another.
Speaker B:What are some practical steps people can take?
Speaker B:Like, how can they actually use these insights to, you know, live a better life?
Speaker C:Yeah, it's all about taking action.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And one of the most powerful things we can do is cultivate self compassion.
Speaker B:Self compassion.
Speaker B:Okay, we hear that a lot.
Speaker B:But what does that really mean?
Speaker C:Like, practically speaking, it's basically treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd give a friend who's going through a tough time.
Speaker C:So, like, next time you catch yourself beating yourself up for not feeling happy enough, just pause for a second and think, what would I say to a friend who is feeling this way?
Speaker B:That's a good point.
Speaker B:We're usually way harder on ourselves than we are on other people.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And that just makes us feel worse.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It feeds that whole cycle of pressure and unhappiness.
Speaker C:So instead of judging yourself for not being happy all the time, just try to acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
Speaker C:And then ask yourself, what do I need right now?
Speaker B:Maybe it's a break.
Speaker B:Maybe it's talking to someone.
Speaker B:Maybe it's doing something you enjoy.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It's about tuning into what you need and responding with kindness.
Speaker C:And that's where mindfulness can be super helpful.
Speaker B:Mindfulness.
Speaker B:Another one of those buzzwords, huh?
Speaker B:How does that help with all this happiness pressure?
Speaker C:Well, mindfulness is all about paying attention to the present moment without judgment.
Speaker C:So when it comes to happiness, it can help us become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that are driving our actions.
Speaker C:Like, next time you notice yourself feeling that pressure to be happy, just observe it.
Speaker C:Don't try to fight it or jud yourself for it.
Speaker C:Just notice it and let it be.
Speaker B:So it's about creating some space between us and our emotions so we're not so overwhelmed by them.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And from that place of awareness, we can start making more conscious choices about how we respond.
Speaker B:So instead of just reacting to that pressure to be happy, we can pause and ask ourselves, am I really feeling this, or am I just trying to fit in?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It's about taking back control, choosing how we want to feel, how we want to react to the world around us.
Speaker B:So it's not about letting those external pressures dictate our happiness.
Speaker B:It's about creating Our own.
Speaker C:I like that.
Speaker C:Creating our own happiness.
Speaker C:And that brings up another really important point.
Speaker C:Defining happiness on our own terms.
Speaker B:What do you mean by that?
Speaker C:Well, we often get caught up in these, like, societal ideas of happiness, these pictures of what a happy life should look like.
Speaker C:But the truth is, happiness is different for everyone.
Speaker B:What makes one person happy might not do anything for someone else, right?
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:And we have to honor that.
Speaker C:Let go of those cookie cutter definitions and figure out what truly brings you joy.
Speaker B:So get curious about what makes you happy, what lights you up, what makes you feel alive.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:And then make space for those things in your life.
Speaker C:Prioritize them, even if it feels like you're going against the grain, against those expectations everyone else seems to have.
Speaker B:So it's not about fitting into some mold of happiness.
Speaker B:It's about creating a life that feels authentic to you.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:And honestly, that's where the real magic happens.
Speaker C:When we start living authentically, aligned with our own values and desires, happiness just kind of naturally follows.
Speaker C:It becomes less of a destination and more of a byproduct of a meaningful, fulfilling life.
Speaker B:That's such a great point.
Speaker B:It's not about chasing happiness.
Speaker B:It's about creating a life that feels right, that feels real, and then happiness just kind of shows up.
Speaker C:Well, on that note, I think we've reached the end of our deep dive.
Speaker C:It's been a great conversation, it really has.
Speaker C:And I hope it's given everyone listening some useful tools and ideas for navigating this whole happiness thing.
Speaker C:Remember, you're not alone in this.
Speaker C:We all feel pressured to conform, but we also have the power to choose our own path, our own definition of happiness.
Speaker C:And it's in those moments of self, compassion, mindfulness, and real connection that we truly thrive.
Speaker B:Beautifully said.
Speaker B:Keep asking questions, keep exploring, and keep being your amazing, authentic selves.
Speaker B:And until our next deep dive, may you find joy in the simple things.
Speaker B:Embrace all your emotions and never stop learning and growing.
Speaker B:Thanks for joining us.
